Saturday, May 31, 2008

Hunger Strike

Can one subsist on orange juice and Lucky Charms marshmallows alone? Somehow, I doubt it. And yet, Violet is refusing all other forms of sustenance today. And yes, though it is easily a thousand times more profound than this post, I now have that Temple of the Dog song stuck in my head…

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Training Pants on Fire

My daughter recently figured out how to lie. On a visit to the grocery store the other day, a few patrons in line asked her how old she was. Violet thought about it for a second, then proceeded to put four fingers out in front of her. “Four,” she said softly. “You are not four, honey, you’re two,” I replied. I then took her hand and configured her fingers into a peace sign. “You’re this many.”

“No,” she insisted, and then turned to the inquiring customers. She once again put four fingers out in front of her, and whispered her inaccurate age as a secret: “Four.”

So young, and already lying about her age…

Yesterday, she had a bought of diarrhea while wearing training pants, and decided it would be best not to tell me. Naturally, the overwhelming reek tipped me off.

“Violet,” I asked, “Did you poop?”

“Nope. No, no, no,” was her reply.

You would think such defecation would be difficult to deny when it’s running down your leg. However, when I placed Violet on the exercise mat to change her, I repeated the question. And even though her moving legs were smearing poo all over the mat, she insisted that she had not pooped.

Hmph. Someday, she’ll make an excellent politician…

Monday, May 19, 2008

Class-A Stress Case

Last night, my husband and I compiled a three page list detailing tasks to complete before we leave. Since we are moving to different locations for a year, the impending travel arrangements are slightly more complex than those of our last separation. I was hoping to start yet another alphabet on one of the other blogs, but I’m fairly certain I don’t have the time or energy. Posts from me, at all, will henceforth be…sporadic? Random? Nonexistent? Hopefully not the last of the three options, since this silly thing is the only thing standing between me and a chasm of utter insanity.

In lieu of rambling further, here are some recent photos of one of my other babies…


Friday, May 9, 2008

Crayola Crapola

I left Violet coloring in her high chair while I went to the porch to scrape some mud off of her shoes. When I came back in, she had eaten the tips from three of her brand-new crayons. Thank God they’re non-toxic. Why can’t she just tell me when she’s hungry???

Thank You, Shrek 2

My daughter, as usual, woke up at around 6:30 this morning. As was also usual, she was delighted to see her father, who was (as usual) still lying in bed. Violet burrowed under the covers and snuggled up next to Daddy.

“Come on, Violet, it’s time to change your diaper,” I insisted.

“Go away,” she replied, putting her hand out in front of her like a tiny stop sign. “Go far, far away.”

“Let me get this straight,” I replied, amused rather than annoyed. The rational part of me knows that she simply got the “far, far away” part of her demand from watching Shrek 2. “You love Daddy, and you want me to go far, far away?”

It would seem so.

Unfortunately, with his looming orders to Korea, the exact opposite of what she wants is going to be true.

So.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Log Dialogue

Violet enters stage right, clings to the bookshelf, and makes straining noises.

Me: Are you pooping?
Violet: No. GO AWAY.

A few moments pass. The sound of typing is heard, and Violet’s straining noises continue. Suddenly, there is silence.

Me: Violet, are you all done pooping?
Violet (adamant): GO AWAY!!!

I’d better go change her, since she’s decided to go sit (sh*t?) on Big Bird…