Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Babbles (Brain Baubles)

So. Tired.

I go to bed every night between 12 a.m. and 2:00 a.m., mostly due to a fairly consistent schedule of working until 11:00 p.m. I am up first at around 5 a.m. when my mother's alarm goes off. I am up (fully conscious and out of bed) by 7. Then I get my darling daughter up and go about my day.

So this leaves me a good 5-7 hours of sleep, right? Which would be perfect. Except the combination of medication I take requires at least 8 hours of solid sleep for me to function properly. Many a morning, I find myself somewhat short on sleep.

I may seem cognitively impaired during the day because in essence, I cannot...brain. I may seem flighty or bubble-headed but I assure you this is not the case. I'm still me. Even though I sometimes can't comprehend or articulate properly.

I am supposed to limit myself to one cup of coffee during the day due to potential exacerbation of my anxiety disorder. One cup??? Ha ha. More like three. But who's counting? Ignore the fact that my heart is like that of a hummingbird at every doctor's appointment. I get so hopped up on coffee that rest during the day is a struggle even though I often don't work until after noon.

Naps. Ahhhh...when I can take them, naps are awesome. But since it often takes me an hour or more to fall asleep it is not always possible to temporarily escape the pressures of reality. Also, I often get heckled from upstairs: "Why are you taking a nap? Are we boring?" Ah, my dear mother and grandmother, you are anything but boring.

I'm just tired.

When I manage to sleep, perchance to dream, I am moving around the country with my ex-husband. We are stationed in all kinds of strange places. There is one house in particular that has a swamp, and an extremely tiny upstairs that you have to crouch in.

In the latest installment of this dream we were moving to Afghanistan with the rest of my family.  At a house we stopped at along the way, there was a makeshift ladder to get to the second floor. Essentially getting upstairs was like climbing a rock wall. The second floor held a bathroom with a massive expanse of white tile. In front of this there was a tall step leading to another, blue, tiled area, featuring a shower head and about 50 mannequins. You could take a shower, but every time you turned your back to the mannequins they would advance toward you. This was as unsettling as it sounds. I have no idea what the motive of the naked mannequins was. But I strongly suspect that they were gonna get me.

The precursor to this strange dream? Discussion of military deployments with some gals from work. The mannequins are also work-related, as we have them along the corners in my department. I am sometimes so tired that out of the corner of my eye I mistake them for customers. I always stop myself before asking the mannequin how it is doing and if it is finding everything ok. So I suppose, in a sense, I am doing alright.

Anyway, I'm babbling, as I tend to do when I am tired. My mom and daughter woke me up several times last night. I am bordering on delirious, and was threatening to take a nap on the floor at work. An idle threat, of course, as evidenced by my swollen feet. But I digress.

Caught a third or fourth wind and am desperately trying to unwind. The cat's in her bad and all's right with the world. Care charmer sleep, son of the sable Night, brother to death, in silent darkness born, defeat the wretched spell of caffeine and come on, sugar. Let me dwell a little bit in twilight. Not the kind with Sparkly Vampires though.

Wow how's that for a poetry-YA mashup? Crap, I tell you. Crap, crap, crap. I write much better when I'm not a blithering idiot. So, without further ado, I bid thee goodnight.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Equal Opportunity VD post aka: Cupid's Stupid

Got a tad tired of the cutesy couples' posts. So... In honor of Valentine's Day, all singles: Make this your status and answer honestly! Just for fun.

How old were you when you became single? 38

Any prospects? Yes.

Have you tried dating sites? Yes. Tinder, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish…or Plenty of Piranhas, depending on your perspective

Does your mom think everyone you meet online is a serial killer? You mean they aren’t? I’m still here…

 Divorced? Uh huh

What's your sign, baby? Aries

Who was your first kiss with? John…can’t remember his last name, I’m old. Hanks?

Who was the first jerk to dump you? Same guy

And the last jerk to dump you? Technically we weren’t together

Ever been ghosted? Just call me Casper

Ever been stood up? Not recently

Worst pickup line received at the bar: “Uhhhhh…your hair is purple.” I was, in fact, wearing a purple wig. Thank you Captain Observant. Next! Close tie with “Is your dad a baker because those are the hottest buns I’ve ever seen.” Lol

Worst excuse for someone breaking a date: He had pneumonia. Never heard from him again. Kinda hoping he’s dead

Tattoos: yay or nay? Depends on the guy. I don’t judge. Face tattoos are a bit distracting though

Your place or mine? Yours

Do you have custody of any children? My lovely Violet! 90% of the time

Favorite pint of ice cream? Haagen Daaz anything!

Favorite show with which to Netflix and weep? House of Cards

Hobbies, since ostensibly you have no life? Reading, writing, singing, snarking on Facebook

Where’s your favorite place to take yourself out to eat? The Viking

Any skeletons in your closet? Plenty

What exactly is wrong with you? We don’t have time for the intense psychological evaluation needed

Number of cats: 1

Do you believe in love at first sight? Aw, hell no.

Any felonies we should know about? Not even a speeding ticket

Favorite Lean Cuisine/microwave meal? I like the Michelina’s Salisbury Steak. It’s unnatural.

You’re eating chocolate right now aren’t you? No. I’m drinking beer.

Favorite drink? Besides this delicious porter?

Favorite band? Manchester Orchestra

Are you tired of starting over, telling strangers your life story? Yes.

Do you think you will ever marry/remarry? Uhhhhhhhh

Favorite chick flick: Thelma and Louise

Do you have a brain? Sometimes

Do you have a heart? No.

Do you have a home? Yes, and I’m very grateful

What about da nerve? Not so much

Are you awesome? Hell to the yes.

Are you a little tired of all the cutesy Valentine’s posts? Slightly.