Saturday, February 11, 2017

Equal Opportunity VD post aka: Cupid's Stupid

Got a tad tired of the cutesy couples' posts. So... In honor of Valentine's Day, all singles: Make this your status and answer honestly! Just for fun.

How old were you when you became single? 38

Any prospects? Yes.

Have you tried dating sites? Yes. Tinder, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish…or Plenty of Piranhas, depending on your perspective

Does your mom think everyone you meet online is a serial killer? You mean they aren’t? I’m still here…

 Divorced? Uh huh

What's your sign, baby? Aries

Who was your first kiss with? John…can’t remember his last name, I’m old. Hanks?

Who was the first jerk to dump you? Same guy

And the last jerk to dump you? Technically we weren’t together

Ever been ghosted? Just call me Casper

Ever been stood up? Not recently

Worst pickup line received at the bar: “Uhhhhh…your hair is purple.” I was, in fact, wearing a purple wig. Thank you Captain Observant. Next! Close tie with “Is your dad a baker because those are the hottest buns I’ve ever seen.” Lol

Worst excuse for someone breaking a date: He had pneumonia. Never heard from him again. Kinda hoping he’s dead

Tattoos: yay or nay? Depends on the guy. I don’t judge. Face tattoos are a bit distracting though

Your place or mine? Yours

Do you have custody of any children? My lovely Violet! 90% of the time

Favorite pint of ice cream? Haagen Daaz anything!

Favorite show with which to Netflix and weep? House of Cards

Hobbies, since ostensibly you have no life? Reading, writing, singing, snarking on Facebook

Where’s your favorite place to take yourself out to eat? The Viking

Any skeletons in your closet? Plenty

What exactly is wrong with you? We don’t have time for the intense psychological evaluation needed

Number of cats: 1

Do you believe in love at first sight? Aw, hell no.

Any felonies we should know about? Not even a speeding ticket

Favorite Lean Cuisine/microwave meal? I like the Michelina’s Salisbury Steak. It’s unnatural.

You’re eating chocolate right now aren’t you? No. I’m drinking beer.

Favorite drink? Besides this delicious porter?

Favorite band? Manchester Orchestra

Are you tired of starting over, telling strangers your life story? Yes.

Do you think you will ever marry/remarry? Uhhhhhhhh

Favorite chick flick: Thelma and Louise

Do you have a brain? Sometimes

Do you have a heart? No.

Do you have a home? Yes, and I’m very grateful

What about da nerve? Not so much

Are you awesome? Hell to the yes.

Are you a little tired of all the cutesy Valentine’s posts? Slightly.

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