On Being Substantial

Thick is as thick does.

I matched with a local radio DJ once on a dating site. We chatted for a bit and then exchanged numbers, it seemed harmless enough. He wanted a picture of me, so I complied with a selfie of my face. Then he wanted a sexy picture of me, and well, I didn’t really have any. I had one where you could see my legs, but it was still pretty conservative.

He wondered why I didn’t have any sexy pics (apparently a bikini or underwear would have been more to his liking). He then asked, “Are you thick?”

This immediately put me on the defensive. I have had an issue with weight around my stomach and posterior since the birth of my daughter. “Are you thick?” I retorted. He denied having an issue with his figure, though his pictures online indicated otherwise. He then conveniently lost my number and “unmatched” us on the site.

Now, this wouldn’t anger me so much, but it seems a bit of a double standard. Especially with this viral post of a man who loves his curvy wife going around.  Some comedian acquaintances of mine were making fun of the post, and it inspired me to share my own experience. I also don’t understand why this man’s message is being seen as so inspirational. Basically, he’s criticizing his wife and getting lauded for it.

Another person shared this hilarious parody of the letter.

I’m kind of hoping that the wife in this so-called “heroic” letter writes a response. In it, she describes his perceived imperfections, pointing out, for example, his abundance of chest hair and his scrawny ass. Or his habit of drawing mass attention to the size of her booty. Or his inability to write anything truly sensitive.

I’ve dated men who others might consider unattractive: to me, true attraction isn’t a weight measurement or a beauty contest. Balding men, men who might be considered overweight: I’ve always considered the personality before the mane or body type. This hasn’t helped me to find a suitable mate yet, but I’ve gained some extraordinary friends in the process.

I’m hoping it’s just my undeniable crazy that’s scaring them off.

But for this, I certainly don’t tout myself as being some sort of relationship martyr. Just taking one for the team, ladies, no need for alarm.  If I wrote about how great it was that my man was less than perfect, I would get laughed or trolled off the Internets.

For myself, I fluctuate from body positivity to wanting to lose all the weight and become some sort of ancient pin-up model. For my health, and for my daughter’s benefit, I am going to attempt to lose the extra 40 pounds I am now carrying around. I’m not doing this to attract a man: any man who doesn’t appreciate me for the nutty cat lady I am, unexplainable ego and all, can go find some normal, boring, perfect looking arm-candy.

Anyone who doesn’t want me based on my present appearance or all the things I am, is truly is thick.