The Hardest Part

Hello, blank page. My old nemesis.

I'm waiting to discover the outcome of potential developments in my life. I am averse to change but it seems my life has changed continuously since my divorce in September of last year. So I guess I'd best put my head down and not draw any attention to myself. Or put my nose to the grindstone and embrace change in all of its glorious uncertainty.

The problem is, I suck at waiting.

Call me Instant Gratification Girl. I have to be doing something to catalyze change. I want what I want, and I want it now. I have no patience.

I  would like to establish a routine. But I want it to start, like, yesterday.

The bonkers part of me wants to freelance and transcribe and piece my income together, whoop-a-dee-doo! Part of me wants to establish a profession with a set schedule and guaranteed hours, and this pragmatic, OCD side of me is usually the one that prevails.

And then there's the whole Jack-of-all-trades aspect of my personality. Can I do just about anything well? Sure. But am I an expert in one field? Neeeoope. Many people take one look at the stay-at-home mom part of my resume and they are dismissive, despite the fact that I earned a bachelor's degree back in the day.

Have I thought of remedial training? Sure, but each path is fraught with obstacles. Mainly the time and the expense. I cannot even afford physical therapy though it is needed for me to walk without pain. So most programs are financially out of reach. Trying to parent around a retail schedule has already proved difficult. How would I juggle schooling, parenting, and a job?

So here's what I'm planning to do. Spoiler alert: it's nuts. I'm going to start auditioning for community theatre and schedule my jobs and freelancing around THAT. Because I need creativity and performance for my spiritual salvation. Think I'm being melodramatic?

You ain't seen nothing yet.