Confining Conformity

I stopped discussing mental illness on my blog in anticipation of getting a school job, which may have been premature. Just because the state Board of Education says you're qualified to be a teacher doesn't mean your local community will accept your utter lack of experience with groups of children. Therefore, multiple interviews, and no job. We really appreciate what you have to offer, and we hope you will consider us in the future. Thanks but no thanks.

I'm up in the middle of the night again. It's most likely from weaning off my Abilify, which functions as an antipsychotic but has caused me some pretty severe weight gain over the last year. So I'm struggling to maintain my sanity and find some form of employment. I want to write for a living. It's clear I need some form of mental help.

I suppose a visit to the local psychologist is in order. My last psychiatrist suggested that I should be on disability after she diagnosed me with four disorders, two of which are incurable. She suggested therapy on a weekly basis. I haven't seen a mental health professional since we moved here in October. Hmmmmm. One of the most important parts of maintaining your mental health is learning to accept when you need help. I think I'm there.

In the meantime, I think I'll go back to dying my hair black and apply to be a manager at Hot Topic. I need to stop forcing the dough of my being into some ill-fitting cookie cutter. I need to be myself, as painful at times as that may be.